Uncertainty

Hi boys and girls! How ya doing? I'm all right. Just watching ANTM. What do you guys think of the new cycle, college edition. Yeah, I know, I should be on there. Hahaha, maybe I should apply to the Swedish version when I come home. Hahaha, maybe. Nah, I don't know. Do I even have model potential. I mean I know I am not ugly and I see people that I don't think have model potential, 'cause I think they're kind of ugly in a way but they're still models. So maybe I have a shot. Hahaha.

Well, I believe that I (anyone for that matter and don't let nobody tell you different) can do anything I want as long as I am determined and give it my all. If you really want something you have to give it your all you can do anything, ANYTHING! That's I kind of why I don't want to come back to USA next semester. I am not feeling it. There is no passion, no chemistry, no energy, no spark. Nothing. No love. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what I thought that this was going to be like. I am not having more fun than being at home. The best thing about being here that I get to travel and come to the United States which I have always wanted. Yeah, I am not returning here next semester but that doesn't mean I will never return to study here. God no, not in Santa Barbara. Somewhere else. Ivy league, yeah, let's go for that. Here at Erika's World we are all fancy and stuck up. At least I am, ya know it sister! LOL, that was kind of a half joke. Anyone who know's me know how much of that is a joke and how much is not. It's just a big bummer that my I-20 will terminated and when I want to go back I have to go through this huge process again. Ah, fak dat tjit! Nana, I made my decision (I think). Come back to me in a few hours when I have booked a flight back home. Ask me if they include a return ticket (probably not - yeah what are you going to do). I feel like I am quitting because its hard. Also, maybe more so because I am uncertain. I just don't know, okay! Stop bugging me.

I don't know what the plan is for the future. Live life to the fullest. I think that that's the biggest lesson that I've learned so far. More than that..... I don't. I am just that uncertain. My five year plan is still at heart.... it would have had been closer if I'd had the money to go to a university with sororities and that shit (I mean a good shit *laughing by myself for some reason*). Some people go to college to figure out what they want to be, some already know what they want to be and I don't even know if I want to go to college, but I know I have to do something 'cause I will get restless buy laying in my bed trying to figure out what.

Gosh, I could sit here forever and write about this! Nah, that won't happen 'cause I want to watch the rest of last night's The Big Bang Theory (I started watching it before ANTM) and then watch Once Upon a Time. Yeah, so, I hope ya'll have a good Friday night. Love ya!


your writer, Erika

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