Be Proud pt. 3

Hello my little darling! How are you today? I am good. I am actually going to go for a walk in a little bit but I have to take care of this blog first. My mom has been here all weekend which as been really nice but she has left now. Whenever my mom is here I find myself acting a little bit passive aggressive towards her. Which I of course really don't mean but I can't help it. I do it towards everyone. It's a bad habit that I have. If anyone has any tips on how to stop being passive aggressive please comment below!

I don't know but I feel like what I am going to write next is an important issue that needs to be adressed. I like to think of myself as a strong woman who has her shit together and that's the view I like to portray. I do have my shit together but I feel like that is because I have very high standards for myself (I can say that it hasn't always been easy). But you know I am human and the standards I have for myself as kind of unreasonable because I want to go from 0 to 100 without going through 1,2,3,4 etc. I just want everything all in one second. I am kind of impatient that way. Me not having everything that I want makes me from time to time question my own existence, it gives me anxiety and just makes me feel all around bad about who I am. For an example when I talked about Pamela Reif a couple weeks ago when I said "I feel like she way prettier than I am and why would someone choose me when they could have someone like her." That's just anxiety and insecurity demons. I do feel like that more than I lead on, because I want to portray the image of a strong independent woman who has her shit together.

I am going to say the these last few years has been hard. Mentally, physically, just hard. I still don't have it all but I am on a good path with everything. I am still figuring it out, but I am good. Now that I have started working out more I feel like I am taking charge. Like if I am unhappy with something like I want to be more flexible or stronger I take charge and find a workout routine that focus on improving that. I feel like when I do that everything else around me comes together so much easier. It just makes me feel more whole like all the pieces fits together.

As I have said in the past. We cannot look at others as the definition of what we want to be. That way of thinking is going is fuck you up. It is better just to focus on you. Everyone is different so even if you're doing the same thing you're not going to have the same outcome. Just do you.

I hope that this makes sense and isn't too woolly.

Have a great Sunday!

your writer, Erika


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