Explaining Fangirlism
Sometimes I wish that I lived back in Cali 'cause seriously I am so bored with my life here. Not bored I just feel like, I don't know, I just feel like life was more fun there. I often think That it's more fun being young in Cali but while I was there I missed Sweden and all the familiarity of everything that I know. I was more independent there. I mean I have other dreams apart from college. I don't know, but I just want to find myself a little bit more which I am desperately trying to do. I love being a fangirl 'cause you meet the most amazing people and get endless support whenever but I am starting to feel like I should chill a little bit on that. But it's hard and people don't understand, except other fangirls. If I explain it all to you you won't understand, you will say that it's not the same as the "real" thing. But that is the real thing. Though I haven't had any fangirl feels the last couple of weeks because as I said I am trying to chill with the fangirl feels, doing that is like breaking up with someone you are so into and want so bad but you can't be together.
Being a fangirl means that you really care (to explain it nicely) about a celebrity. It can be more than one celebrity. I feel kind of ashamed of this sometimes because it goes so far and I am 20 years old. It's like get a grip of reality. But fangirlism is my reality. It is who I am so why should I be ashamed. It's so hard being a fangirl. What I feel ashamed about sometimes is that I feel that I am in loved with whoever. It's hard and bad, because my whole heart aches because I am not with him 24/7. Like I just want to hug him, hear is voice (speaking to me) or just something but no that's not the reality. 'Cause yeah, in real life he has no idea that I exists. I feel like I can't function without him. I feel ashamed. There is no one that I am in love with right now, a celebrity. Since I don't know them the feels don't last forever, I still love them but I am not in love. Please don't come an say that's it is not real, 'cause it is. I cry so hard over this, it's embarrassing but also not. I just have a lot of mixed feelings about this whole thing at the moment 'cause I kinda feel it's ruining my life. Like I can't focus on the real stuff. When I say real I mean liking them in a healthy way and not in a fangirl way. Gosh now I just want to sit here and cry 'cause I feel so pathetic. NO ONE will understand what I am jabbering about except from other fangirls. Oh, slap me someone please.
your writer, Erika
Being a fangirl means that you really care (to explain it nicely) about a celebrity. It can be more than one celebrity. I feel kind of ashamed of this sometimes because it goes so far and I am 20 years old. It's like get a grip of reality. But fangirlism is my reality. It is who I am so why should I be ashamed. It's so hard being a fangirl. What I feel ashamed about sometimes is that I feel that I am in loved with whoever. It's hard and bad, because my whole heart aches because I am not with him 24/7. Like I just want to hug him, hear is voice (speaking to me) or just something but no that's not the reality. 'Cause yeah, in real life he has no idea that I exists. I feel like I can't function without him. I feel ashamed. There is no one that I am in love with right now, a celebrity. Since I don't know them the feels don't last forever, I still love them but I am not in love. Please don't come an say that's it is not real, 'cause it is. I cry so hard over this, it's embarrassing but also not. I just have a lot of mixed feelings about this whole thing at the moment 'cause I kinda feel it's ruining my life. Like I can't focus on the real stuff. When I say real I mean liking them in a healthy way and not in a fangirl way. Gosh now I just want to sit here and cry 'cause I feel so pathetic. NO ONE will understand what I am jabbering about except from other fangirls. Oh, slap me someone please.
your writer, Erika
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