A Brick Wall
I just feel weird. Like, I want to run into a brick wall or something. That's how I feel often. I mean it's not going to solve anything. It's just for that one moment when I hot the wall everything is going to okay. I will feel at peace. Then the millisecond after, everything will be the same again. IDK. Basically life I guess. I am just bored. Mostly I am bored with just living here. Here, meaning Stockholm and Sweden. I don't know but I have seen it all and done it all. Even if I had more money, or a job it would still just be the same place. But I am not sure if I want to go back to America and go to school. I mean yes I'd like that. I think that education is very important and I encourage all of my friends to get a degree, I am just not sure that it's for me. You know what I mean?
Last year when I went off to college in Santa Barbara I was excited because I have always wanted to go to school in the US but I also was like "What the fuck have I just done?" 'Cause I mean did I really want to go to school or just get away? The first week that I was there I wanted to go back home, but I reminded myself of the Bieber concert two months later. Then, I was thinking that it's not worth it, just staying there. No that wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking if that was what I really wanted to do, 'cause I have a lot of other dreams that I want to achieve before I really get an education. Hmmmm.
What really got me through it, I don't care what anyone has to say about this, was One Direction. I could be out and about, listening to my iPod and one of their songs came on and it just reinsured me that this is my dream! This is what I want to do! I mean it would be silly to give up a dream that I have had for so long. I probably would have hated myself more if I would have had gone back to Sweden. I don't hate myself now, I am just saying. The feeling I have now is more a feeling of frustration, hence the brick wall. I feel like I am just sitting here waiting for something to happen that is just not happening fast enough. I just, IDK. Life, feeling frustrated. Just want to throw a brick. Hahaha. Cry with me.
Like people I don't know life is so hard. I don't want any pity comments or so. I am not being an attention whore. I am just, I don't know, kind of thinking out loud. Like I am basically just discussing this with myself, but in writing, on a public platform. Okay, here comes the classic teenage bullshit, but really though it is true, I don't feel like people understand me. They don't. I mean since I am fangirl, I just feel like any emotion that I have about anything that I like is heightened. I don't know. Other fangirls are the ones who understand me the best. Other people, I mean I am not going to talk to anyone about how I feel because I am not the kind of person who does that. Since a lot of people I know are opposite from me (meaning how I feel in the fangirl kind of way) and have different views on life and things it's just pretty much impossible. I have shared things with people in the past but they have just blabbed about it to everyone they talk to. Yeah yeah, you shouldn't just judge people because of another persons' actions but I have just gotten so used to not sharing or talking to anyone about how I feel that I am just so used to it and it's the only way I know how.
Everything is just too complicated. Shit is just too complicated. I just. IDK. OMG. That is my basic reaction. Can someone just hand me that brick wall already. Thank you!
your writer, Erika
Last year when I went off to college in Santa Barbara I was excited because I have always wanted to go to school in the US but I also was like "What the fuck have I just done?" 'Cause I mean did I really want to go to school or just get away? The first week that I was there I wanted to go back home, but I reminded myself of the Bieber concert two months later. Then, I was thinking that it's not worth it, just staying there. No that wasn't what I was thinking. I was thinking if that was what I really wanted to do, 'cause I have a lot of other dreams that I want to achieve before I really get an education. Hmmmm.
What really got me through it, I don't care what anyone has to say about this, was One Direction. I could be out and about, listening to my iPod and one of their songs came on and it just reinsured me that this is my dream! This is what I want to do! I mean it would be silly to give up a dream that I have had for so long. I probably would have hated myself more if I would have had gone back to Sweden. I don't hate myself now, I am just saying. The feeling I have now is more a feeling of frustration, hence the brick wall. I feel like I am just sitting here waiting for something to happen that is just not happening fast enough. I just, IDK. Life, feeling frustrated. Just want to throw a brick. Hahaha. Cry with me.
Like people I don't know life is so hard. I don't want any pity comments or so. I am not being an attention whore. I am just, I don't know, kind of thinking out loud. Like I am basically just discussing this with myself, but in writing, on a public platform. Okay, here comes the classic teenage bullshit, but really though it is true, I don't feel like people understand me. They don't. I mean since I am fangirl, I just feel like any emotion that I have about anything that I like is heightened. I don't know. Other fangirls are the ones who understand me the best. Other people, I mean I am not going to talk to anyone about how I feel because I am not the kind of person who does that. Since a lot of people I know are opposite from me (meaning how I feel in the fangirl kind of way) and have different views on life and things it's just pretty much impossible. I have shared things with people in the past but they have just blabbed about it to everyone they talk to. Yeah yeah, you shouldn't just judge people because of another persons' actions but I have just gotten so used to not sharing or talking to anyone about how I feel that I am just so used to it and it's the only way I know how.
Everything is just too complicated. Shit is just too complicated. I just. IDK. OMG. That is my basic reaction. Can someone just hand me that brick wall already. Thank you!
your writer, Erika
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